Dear Vladmir Putin,
I have heard of your deeds and I think that you are very great! I am a pro-Russian separatist in the state of Minnesota, and I can tell you that many of us here feel that we would be better off if only we were part of the Russian Federation instead of our current country (United States).
Will you please invade us and rule over us? It’s so sad for us to be governed by our own sovereign government when we so badly wish that you were in charge instead.
When I was in middle school there were some strong boys that used to protect me. All I had to do was give them my lunch money every day (it kept me skinny!) and let them dunk my head in the toilet sometimes. But it was worth it because no one else harmed me except for sometimes. You could be like those wonderful middle school boys! I have even more lunch money now than I did in middle school.
Please take over my region! My friends and I already held a referendum and the majority of us that voted (just me) have agreed to let you graciously take over by force. I just wish you could have invaded us sooner, but those pesky Olympics made you have to pretend to be diplomatic until after February.
- Here we are, at Kubrick’s final film. He died four months before it came out. It was a little scary because there was an unresolved issue with the MPAA that could have prevented it from being released in the US. They used some CGI to cover up some humping for the US version, but this Blu-ray I’m watching is the version without that crap.
- When this movie came out, I was actually managing a movie theater that played it. A bunch of friends and I had our own midnight release party.
- This party in the beginning is lit so beautifully. The room is lit with little strings of Christmas lights and they’re grainy and out of focus and the whole thing looks so warm and yellow. Like pee, only nothing at all like pee.
- Gorgeous Alice just loves giving that older Hungarian dude an unrequited boner.
- Bill don’t mind, he’s making her jealous by flirting with two skinny models. This is what their marriage is about, and it totally sets up where this movie goes.
- Even his patients are hot women with perfect bodies. WHAT IS KUBRICK TRYING TO SAY???? (I think he’s trying to say “I like hot women with perfect bodies.”) (Okay, fine, maybe he’s painting a picture of these people’s world being full of unnaturally beautiful people, like they are themselves.)
- The two of them are stoned in this long scene, and it’s long because they speak very very slowly. And because it’s just long. And I’m okay with all of that, except that the slow acting seems kind of forced and unnatural. It looks like they’ve been told by a director to act more slowly than they want.
- This scene where the woman who’s father has just died, and she tries to hook up with Bill and says “I love you I love you I love you” but Bill is like “we barely know each other”. It’s kind of intriguing and kind of just odd and pointless.
- Then the street bullies that pick on him, what’s that about?
- Then the prostitute that’s way more beautiful than any prostitute would ever really be. And the tacit understanding that she’s a prostitute and he’s a john. I would be so clueless in that situation.
- More great production design, all these “Manhattan streets” that are really just a British soundstage.
- So many Christmas lights. Pretty sure the story doesn’t reference it being Christmastime; I think it’s just because they lend so much to the look.
- Here we go. The part of the plot that is awesome. The first information about The Party.
- "And never with SUCH WOMEN." That gets the audience’s attention all right.
- The scene with the costume rental guy. There’s some good Kubrick-y communication there. And there’s also a bizarre incident with a little girl having a sex party with two Asian men. Again it might seem pointless, but Kubrick is absolutely deliberate in making us see this wide world of human horniness.
- It’s The Party. He’s at The Party now. My god this Party. This crazy motherfucking Party.
- The head movements between him and those dudes that first spot him from up above. Those little head movements. They’d never see each other the way it’s set up, but still I love those little subtle head movements with them in the masks and goddamn this party is nuts.
- You know shit is getting real fucked up when the super-minimalist piano music gets going.
- SNAP-ZOOM! On the mystery woman! And some amusing DRAMATIC MURMURING. But more importantly, snap zoom.
- That party is over, but it haunts the whole rest of the movie.
- Oh wait, no they totally reference the fact that it’s Christmastime, I was wrong before. But still, it’s just an excuse to use all those Christmas lights. Why am I complaining, it’s gorgeous and it’s not a problem in the slightest.
- All characters in this movie want to fuck Doctor Harford. All of them. Every single one.
- Why does he try to call the “I love you I love you” woman?
- Then he goes back to the prostitute’s apartment. But it’s her roommate. Who of course thinks it sounds awesome to boink him. For money? Whatev’, they’re all just great-looking sex people who are always cool with boob-fondling between fellow great-looking sex people.
- Scene in the billiard room. Very explain-y.
- And then GAHHHH THE MASK IS ON HIS PILLOW SO WATCH OUT DOC WE’LL GETCHA
- Mask on pillow. Two-note piano music. Such a minimalist approach to creeping us out. But it works.
In response to my Facebook meme response where I was given the letter K and instructed to list my ten favorite movies that start with that letter (The vast majority of which started with some version of “Kill” or “King” or “Kiss”), Kai asked me to list my favorite movie starting with each letter. So here’s that!
- A - Alien
- B - Brazil
- C - Crimes and Misdemeanors
- D - Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
- E - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless MInd
- F - Fight Club
- G - Glengarry Glen Ross
- H - Heavenly Creatures
- I - It’s a Wonderful Life
- J - JFK
- K - Kill Bill, Volume 2
- L - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
- M - Miller’s Crossing
- N - Nebraska
- O - Oldboy (2013)
- P - Pulp Fiction
- Q - Quick Change
- R - Raising Arizona
- S - The Shawshank Redemption
- T - Team America: World Police
- U - Up
- V - Vanilla Sky
- W - Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
- X - Xanadu
- Y - Young Frankenstein
- Z - Zodiac